2009/05/23 New York
Trouble
Pact
Back in the summer of 2000 I went with a woman named Klaartje to the River Café in Brooklyn where I ate a bad oyster. I have never eaten oysters again.
Tonight I had a dinner appointment with two ladies in Brooklyn.
A few days before the dinner party the unavoidable question came up. “Any food allergies?” the host asked via e-mail.
“Only oysters,” I answered.
From poisoned oysters it was not far to suicide pacts.
We decided that the evening of May 22nd was a perfect evening for a suicide pact.
We had delicious pasta, grapes, chocolate tart and cheese but somehow we forgot about the suicide pact.
At the end of the evening a roommate of one of the ladies joined us. “Why do you want to die?” he asked.
Do you need a reason to die?
I thought of this quote by Walter Benjamin:
“The destructive character lives from the feeling, not that life is worth living, but that suicide is is not worth the trouble.”
Exactly. Suicide? It is not worth the trouble.
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21 comments 
Coincidence happens
A few days ago a friend commited suicide. He jumped from a high building.This morning I wrote a letter about it to another friend. Just having read in the book Reflections from Walter Benjamin, in the letter to the friend I quoted Benjamin, parafrasing him in Dutch. It was from the last sentence from the essay The Destructive Character. ' Het leven is het niet altijd waard te leven, maar zelfmoord is ook de moeite niet waard '
Oysters. They look like passionfruit. I've never tasted them though. The only 'fish' I ever tried was "fishsticks". I once peed in the ocean when I was little. That's the reason I don't eat these animals. Other animals is just out of 'not liking the taste'.
Sometimes a feeling overwhelms me, i.e. the fact I was sitting all alone with my "vegetarian" fondue (which was a vegan fondue) while the others had cheese. At least I learnt that fondue is always with cheese, unless told differently. I much enjoyed that dinner, yes.
Sometimes a feeling overwhelms me, i.e. the fact I was sitting all alone with my "vegetarian" fondue (which was a vegan fondue) while the others had cheese. At least I learnt that fondue is always with cheese, unless told differently. I much enjoyed that dinner, yes.
Exactly. On one moment in my life I felt so down and useless that even suicide seemed useless.
My mother told me a while ago that the boy I went to Kinderhort with when we were seven years old has commited suicide by the exhaust fumes of his car. He had bought the tube for it months before he finally did it and his mother said he had been perfectly normal all the time.
I remembered how we used to lay on our pallets during after-lunch nap (he had the one next to mine) and how I discovered that he was missing two fingers on either hand. He told me that he had put them into a circular saw when still a toddler. I was fascinated.
I feel very guilty about my own suicide fantasies, because there's only self pity behind them.
I remembered how we used to lay on our pallets during after-lunch nap (he had the one next to mine) and how I discovered that he was missing two fingers on either hand. He told me that he had put them into a circular saw when still a toddler. I was fascinated.
I feel very guilty about my own suicide fantasies, because there's only self pity behind them.
To Awadel, on coincidence
Did your friend live in Mechelen? If so, chances are that we lost a mutual acquaintance.Comfort
'The destructive character lives from the feeling, not that life is worth living, but that suicide is not worth the trouble.'Hear, hear. Tell that to the mother who just lost her child by suicide.
Awadel
Your translation of the last sentence of Benjamin's "The destructive character" is rather poor.Ineke van der Burg and Mark Wildschut translated this sentence as: "Het destructieve karakter leeft niet vanuit het gevoel dat het leven levenswaard is, maar dat de zelfmoord niet loont."
Quite a difference.
Juliane
When was the last time you phantasized about suicide?Arnon
My own or someone else's?Poor translation
The translation was poor, there you are right. But I was paraphrasing to fit the idea in the letter I was writing. I was not writing on a destructive character, nor essaying on Walter Benjamin. As I didn't use the whole sentence, and left the words ‘The destructive character lives from the feeling ‘ out, I had to paraphrase to make it clear in the context I gave it.Pjötr Nembkow
My friend lived in The Hague and died in Zoetermeer.Why wouldn't suicide be worth the trouble?
julianne
there was never a time i didn't appreciate the taste of alcohol.. if i had been as arnon with oysters, disenchanted by one bad experiience, o the memories i should've missed.. dens has only eaten fishstiix? is worried about the pissing.. pretty children pissing in the ocean is what makes the oysters so good.. you know in these parts we allow only 4 dead maggots per can of tomato.. 4 maggots full of their maggoty dreams and appetites.. that's the limit by national decree.. it's an aft gang agley world.. suicide is mabye sorta sad but i don't think it's very destructive as destructive goes.. i'm listeniing to knct killeen.. that's the aural fantasia of the destructive y'all.. the dreamsounds of quanah parker land..@ Arnon
Do you really think the Wildschut translation is less poor?"Levenswaard", nice poetic word, but a good translation...??
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Wildschut has a reputation on missing the point in translation.
The word "loont" leaves out the emphasis on the amount of trouble a suicider can consider. I mean, there is a difference between hanging yourself in your house for your children to be found on a thursday, or jumping for a busy commutertrain on a fridayafternoon, (without your ID on you).
Jeanette
FYI Walter Benjamin wrote in German, not in English.Jeanette
Here you hav the original quote in German:"Der destruktive Charakter lebt nicht aus dem Gefühl, daß das Leben lebenswert sei, sondern daß der Selbstmord die Mühe nicht lohnt."
Next time do some research before you vent your opinions.
Arnon
Wildschut translates German texts, that's not new to me.To my information 'lebenswert' exists in German, 'levenswaard' is not a Dutch word and 'die Mühe' is left out. That's why I think the translation is poor.
I always thought of Wildschut primarily as Heidegger's translator.
Jeanette
The word “levenswaarde” does exist Dutch. To translate “lebenswert” with “levenswaard” is more than defensible.To translate “die Mühe nicht lohnt” with “niet loont” is given the rhythm and structure of the sentence in Dutch defensible as well. “De moeite niet waard is” or “de moeite niet loont” are not really an improvement on “niet loont”.
I have to admit you have a talent for being pedantic.
arnon
if you would have the choice, how would you die?Andrea
As painless as possible. I'd like to watch my friend Karol eating a herring while I'm busy dying.[ Add comment ]
