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Within two months

Mate poaching

A friend alerted me to this interesting article in the Times: ‘Researchers have debated for years whether men or women are likelier to engage in “mate poaching.” Some surveys indicated that men had a stronger tendency to go after other people’s partners, but was that just because men were more likely to admit engaging in this behavior? Now there’s experimental evidence that single women are particularly drawn to other people’s partners, according to a report in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology by two social psychologists, Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma State University.
(…)
But single women showed a distinct preference for mate poaching. When the man was described as unattached, 59 percent of the single women were interested in pursuing him. When that same man was described as being in a committed relationship, 90 percent were interested.’

Now I understand why my manicurist always told me: “Get married as soon as possible. You can always divorce. Even within two months.”

S

31 comments Last_comment
I pretended to have girlfriends from the time I was 7 up until my 21st birthday. It never worked, but then again, no one ever saw me with a girl.
I'm comforted by the figure of women that would go for the unattached man. It's much higher than I'd expected.
Dens
The participants were shown a "photo of an attractive person of the opposite sex". I'm not sure if the findings of this study generalize to all unattached men.
Unattached men
Oscar, I've met Dens and found him quite good looking, so I think he is entitled to see it as a hopeful statistic.
You may counter that I'm not of the opposite sex, which I have to admit is true.
Another example of mimetic desire, it seems.
(http://www.cottet.org/girard/desir1.en.htm)
And a nice tip, how to avoid women. Never get married!
An attached man giving a hot look to a single girl is more of a compliment for a lady because men dont give a look like that that often. Mostly because almost all of men cant give that look at all and then only when its real. When its real mostly you cant discribe a man's look like hot, its more feverish. So the chance that this happens is fairy-like but still there are girls who do not give in, thats admirable.
Most attractive girls - attached or not - on the other hand can give you that look, man, living their life like imaginary models espially on pictures handed out in thie mentioned analysis. After years of turn downs 31% of men simply are not convinced anymore by this picturelike look. When it is sure her look is real they are ready for it and the score would be 100% attached or non-attached, but we also have to take the following in accout:

There is the risk that an attractive girl who is attached is attached to a very bodily no-brainer who fits in the girl's non-existent pictureshow. Fighting for his existence he wants to get physical with you, especially when you're just one of the boys. Although all this is imaginary this is lowering the enthousiasm of us boys with about 31 percent. Otherwise the score would always be 100%.

More interesting would be to find out the chances of an affair when there is not just an attractive person involved but a person who is one of the best friends of the partner, a person who is attractive and seems very willing that is when you believe the stories your partner tells you in full confidence.
For boys shown that picture the score would be 100 percent again who is attached or non-attached doesnt matter and she don't have to be that good looking too. But I'm curious what the score is with the ladies so I can do a little calculation of probability in the future.
My brother in law was complaining last week how impudent women have become. Some come into his restaurant and make him an offer while my sister is standing in the bar.
Bernard F
I like your Girardian interpretation, which suggests that women are like stockbrokers. They don't know the 'real' value of stock -- which is inherently unknowable, if not non-existent -- and therefore tend to desire the stock that others desire. This is highly rational. If the others are right, you have bought valuable stock. If they are wrong, at least you are no worse off than your peers/competitors.
Mieke
is it impudent because they say it too loud so that your sister knows or does your brother in law want to impress you?
Careca
He didn't say it to impress me or someone else. I think he just didn't feel comfortable with a situation in wich the woman hunts. Or maybe he's being just a little puritan. But he decided to avoid the place where single women are active, unless my sister is present.
ok, Mieke, nice case:
is he working in a sort of take away restaurant aka pick up place where everybody hunts or is hunted?
He is not single and very happy with his partner so they go out hunting together but not going for the kill?
Good Looking
Thank you for your nice gesture, Michel V, but I'm not even close to being goodlooking. Everything about my appearance tells the women I have bad genes. Maybe I'm attractive to gay men, but that's not clear. You, for all I know, aren't a gay man, Michel V.

The only way for my kind of people to be attractive to the girls and ladies is to redefine the common knowledge of what is attractive. Things like fair skins, round hips and lusterous red hair should be the thing that makes women's heart beat like a jungledrum.
Dens
You are mistaken. You are goodlooking. Don't fool yourself in believing otherwise.
Careca
No , he works in hiw own place, but he recently stopped visiting certain pubs alone because of the unwanted attentions of the other ladies. He's just not interested in small adventures or affairs.
Mieke, Dens
I'm glad you agree, Mieke.
I wasn't trying to flatter you, Dens. Well, maybe as a secondary effect. I meant what I said.
Mieke
So he is a big adventurer who used to visit pubs alone, that takes a lot of courage indeed because of the herds of hungry bitches that favours these kinda places as a huntingfield at night. I'm glad for him and for your sister he stopped that, what freightning things is he up to now and does your sister participate?
Careca
I found it peculiar that some man don't like to hunt or to be hunted after, that's all.
Mieke
Your brother in law is like a lion, when he is not hunting he is either asleep or has catched a prey but what happens when he gets hungry or someone else hunts him? You should observe him like Madam Attenbrough: wise, curious and warm.
Dens, Michel
I did not mean to imply that Dens is physically unattractive.
Michel
I like your suggestion that the behavior of the women in this study was highly rational. It seems to me that they engaged in some form of Bayesian decision making.
Careca
His secret? He's married to my sister. She keeps him busy. No need to look elsewhere.
Mieke
She keeps him busy, follows him like his own shadow, but maybe he once wil be faster than his shadow? The condescendence of in-laws about a relationship could be very oppressive for a partner and can lead to an escape. Bottomline it all depends on your sister of course, i think they are a beautiful couple because you are very proud of them both. Although i think there is some history because of your fierce defence of them.
Careca
You are just being cynical. Happy marriages do exist.
Happy Married Girl
Haha :) funny stuff. I've to be more attentive :)

Actually, I had never had such "unhealthy" thoughts, about my husband (word "husband" for me still sound very funny), untill Ukrainian tour. I just mentioned how Ukrainian girls were staring at him .. but.. nothing special

I am a happy married girl. i can declare now :)
Arnon
it's not fair - I was going to blog about this research today! Well, I did it anyway. ;)
Oh come on!! Nobody is innocent...probably especially not your brother in law Mieke...We are all animals..
Vivla
I didn't say he is innocent, only wiser with getting older.
Anna
Can you explain what you mean with “unhealthy thoughts”? Is lusting after somebody else’s husband unhealthy? Even if you lust after him in total secrecy?
Are there other unhealthy thoughts?
"unhealthy thoughts" - i meant jealousy :) that someone can lust after my bf :) that's all:)
Anna
I have been lusting after your boyfriend since Christmas 2005 and this is one of my more healthy pastimes. Please, forgive me.
Arnon
Ok, Arnon.. hm. It's very funny.