Why else do you think we are we here Mr. Grunberg, then to join unhappiness and some humour.
By the way, I like Mr. Bean a lot too (especially the scene ‘Steak Tartar’ witch always kills me), and not to forget the fabulous creatures once invented by Wim T. Schippers (Reeds!), they really helped me through some bad times.

Attending a funeral is also one of those "so this is why we want (need?) family" moments. Then again - having family means one day you'll be sitting in the first row. And it hurts.

Also true is that people get their happiness out of the unhappiness of other people. The unhappy must realise this. En aan het einde van de dag
denkt hij: Ik heb weer heel wat mensen gelukkig gemaakt.

`Having family means one day you'll be sitting in the first row' . Beautifully spoken, Tess!

Sander means 'protector of men'. He should do his task, and I believe he is.
The thing your amante is saying, isn't that pleasing to hear, I guess. Not if you started with a non married man with(out) children. It's that change that'll be hard on her. Why does she feel that way. Why does anyone feel that way. I's a strange thing to feel. Either it is, or it isn't. It's quite clear reality.

Families are a strange thing. It's a basis. Something to fall back to. Like jews have ww2, England their non Napoleon history and I a non african heritage. IF the basis makes you happy, you wouldn't evolve. That's why you need to be unhappy with your family. I think.

The first row

My experience is that most people tend to hate the first row.

Tess, your remark touched me deeply. A few months ago I lost my first grandchild, born in NY, son of my own first-born, about the same age as Mr. Grunberg. Yes, It hurts. Family makes us vulnerable and who wants to suffer?
When absolute happiness (whatever that may be) is gone, we can try to content ourselves with a relative form of it (Theodore Fontane).
And literature - according to Flaubert - is the only way to support life.
I'm not sure if it is the only way, but it is one way among others.

Dominique

Is it family of intimacy that makes us vulnerable?
Having said this I do think that the loss of a child cannot be compared to any other loss. Another reason to postpone procreation.

Fear

Arnon, if the fear of losing something precious is keeping you from enriching your life, what's the point of living at all? Sure I'm afraid to lose my son, but I'm more afraid of being old and looking back and discovering I haven't lived at all.

The pain inside is just a sign you have been blessed with beauty at some point in your life. The same goes for my curry.

To Dominique: your story touched me too. I often wonder whether I would survive the front row. Without a doubt, we all experience loss in some way. I suppose the question is: how do you choose to react to such loss? I'm afraid I'd choose to react the wrong way (depression), but it seems many people out there have such admirable resilience. I wish your family the choice of resilience and ultimately happiness.

Sander

Of course fear itself is no reason to avoid procreation but I used the word "postpone." Sometimes you need to give yourself some time to overcome fear.
And by the way I do not think that life without children is by definition wasted.

I think it's harder to lose a (or both) parents, than it is to lose a child. When you're an adult, and you lose your child, it's something that you're trying to create. Something you've created for a part, and isn't finished. But when you, as a child, lose your creator, you remain to be unfinished. And I believe it's the greater loss. A childless life is no waste.

Desired or not desired

Science has created an extra existential difficulty for our generation: we can CHOOSE to have children (okay, the older generations had their ways to avoid getting pregnant, but they were not very efficient and they always had to be aware of accidents). This divides children in two categories: desired and not desired children. There are people that hesitate and there are people that take decisions very fast.
There is a poster from Roy Liechtenstein that made a deep impression on me when I was in my teens. It shows a tearful woman that says 'I can't believe I forgot to have children'.
I was still very young when I lost my believe in happy families. This doesn't mean I don't want children or a family.

My own life experiences and in a certain way the great movie ‘Sophie’s Choice’ made me feel the world is not a safe place (for kids). We act upon what we feel and believe. I try to take care of those who already exist besides managing my own life; I do not want to bear the responsibility of putting new life here in this mortal coil. Although, sometimes it is quite amusing here too.

Your (extended) family is part of your charm and that includes your mother.
About procreation : Is life such a gift it should be passed on to someone else?