Obsessive-compulsive
Naked
In the dining section of Wednesday’s Times Jeff Bell writes about anxiety in restaurants: “Mr. Kant is a 24-year-old research assistant living outside of Boston who has obsessive fears of contamination. (He first came to my attention when I read a memoir he wrote about living with obsessive-compulsive disorder.) Last year he visited a Chinese restaurant with several friends, one of whom pointed out that their silverware was spotted and seemed dirty. Mr. Kant collected all the utensils at the table and attempted to sterilize them by holding them above a small flame at the center of a pu-pu platter, quickly attracting the attention of their waiter.”
Once I had dinner with a woman. She ordered a salad without a dressing, and managed to not eat the salad. This I have been told is fairly common.
A couple of years ago I invited a waitress for dinner.
First she told me she had nothing to wear. So I bought her a dress. (This was my decadent period.) Then she insisted that she didn’t have shoes to go with the dress. So I bought her a pair of shoes.
After that we went to Boulud, a famous restaurant in New York City. When the soup arrived she complained about the spoon. The spoon was too big. Shortly after that she spilled champagne over her new dress. She went to the bathroom to clean her dress and didn’t come back.
After thirty minutes another guest (a woman) came to my table and said: “Your girlfriend is standing naked in the ladies room.”
This was probably not a sign of an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
But what was it?
Now almost ten years later I’m still not sure.
Barnard
Arnon, I'd like to draw your attention to an article by Benno Barnard and mister Van Istendael published in 'De Standaard' a few days ago.I paraphrase the bottom line of his article -
"De Islam is door het nazisme geconditioneerd."
Would forwarding this piece to Johannes be welcomed?
Mieke
You must be kidding.I'm in desperate need of a dress for a party in England on the 1st March. Would you buy one at DKNY for me and fedex it over? Size 10, I think (ask the lady in the store if DKNY falls big or small. Also, please note that my hips are bigger than my boobs).
So if this girl did not have a dress to wear for diner or a pair of shoes, it does not seem to me to be a coincidence.
She felt trapped in her dress and by the male gaze that was watching her. I suppose there was a mirror in the bathroom, and that looking at herself naked was a way for her to refind her own image of innocence.
Pathological? Maybe. Let say that she had a difficulty saying no, and that she was more sensitive as normal for the modest male agression that usually is called charm.
Johan
Your comments on seduction are much clearer than you comments on heroism. Which does not imply that I don’t appreciate your comments on heroism.A few nice sentences: getting dressed was for her more problematic than getting undressed.
And the one about male charm.
The desire to get out of an illusion we have created ourselves is not a desire that is limited to women isn’t it? It is a concern to me, as an author.
After dinner we went to a nearby hotel. She could not make love with me, because she had not shaved her legs. I offered to go to a deli and buy her a razor, but it was too late, she said.
So we just made out.
The next morning she gave me the dress to clean it for her.
I never returned it to her. It was a fairly expensive dress. The dress was best, she said, without underwear.
She kept the shoes though.
Shortly after she disappeared completely.
She wanted to work for a foundation that was spreading the word of God in Guatemala. I remember this, because I write a poem about her, in which this foundation is mentioned a few times.
Maybe I have asked you this question already: do you know the work of Adam Phillips?
Noa
I told you: my decadent period is over.And yes, she felt uncomfortable. Maybe it was me; maybe it was the restaurant, rather upscale, that made her uneasy. The fact that she was complaining about a spoon is probably telling.
Arnon
This is strange. How could she wear a dress and not shave her legs? It was either a very long dress or she was wearing tights. It doesn't sound logical to me.Arnon
Thank you for your appreciation. The desire to get rid of the illusion we created ourselves when it is conceived as too real seems to me not gender biased.I did buy the last book of Adam Phillips, Side Effects, but have not yet read it, but I surely will.
I like a man with a bit of flair, often humor accompanies that.
Noa
You seem to confuse flair and charm with a man buying a dress for you. Maybe it’s the same.Noa
Mieke seems high demanding.But what about you? Do you consider yourself spoiled?
@David
Spoiled rotten to the core, a 100% material girl, high maintenance. Most likely your worst nightmare because I'm the kind that would refuse to touch you for fear I'd break a nail, also, for fear of being infested by germs.@Arnon - if you were to have reacted by sending me a dress (for you must know I was speaking in gest and therefore I wouldn't have expected that), then that would've been flair and charm. It's all about the culmination.
But anyway, you're head is now focused on serious stuff so I can fully understand you're not in the mood for frivolity.
I'll leave you to it.
Noa
Why the aggressive tone?And what happened to your idealism?
David
Me? High demanding? It was Noa who asked for a dress, not me. But I admit, the thought of Arnon buying me a new outfit is charming.I thought my self-analysis would put a smile on your face. But I now realize you want an honest answer. Okay, so here goes: I do think that objectively speaking I'm spoiled, yes, but at the same time I never really expect people to give me (material or immaterial) things. I find life to be very rough and suspect in some way this is my punishment for being spoiled.
Does this answer your question re. whether I consider myself spoiled?
How about you? How would you define yourself?
Noa
I appreciate honest answers.Noa
I don’t think your husband would appreciate it if I would send you a dress.@Arnon
That would depend on who I wear it for.Would your amante object if you wore socks a woman gave you? Or a t-shirt? Or if a woman were to buy you dinner?
