They serve a ‘Safe sex on the beach’ koktelok? Have an Absinth. And now a Turkish bath… It looks like the real thing, a Magical Mystery Tour. I think I am going to like Budapest too.

I'd like to visit a Turkish bath, this far, I haven't (though one month in Turkey as we speak). I still haven't made any preparations for a mudwrestling competetion in Turkey, I am sorry. My quest for world peace is and was sincere.

In the hotel I work, we have a piano bar as well. People think it's horrendous. The lady singer sings like a man, which they don't appreciate.
I quite like working in this hotel. It's quite an empty exsistence on its own, but I meet at least 2 interesting people a week (which is quite good, knowing that we get around 400 new peepz a week.

The downside is that they always leave. They 're not my friends. But enough about me.

Enjoy your Bath. Let me give you a tip I give to all my clients: Don't use the oil after the turkish bath, it's just plain wrong.

Dens

I hardly ever use oil. I do use Kiehl's leave-in hair conditioner. Also I use Kiehl's shampoo and when I shave I use Kiehl's ultimate brushless shave cream.

"The cute extraterrestrial".

Arnon, I response to your question of 05/30 I can confirm that Amita will be around. But we would like you to answers some of our earlier questions first before we answer yours. I quote:

05/11 Herman: "Arnon, how is your health doing ? You made us worry like hell".
24/05 Amita: "It was about time they you went to the doctor !. I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out to be (chronical) bronchitis. Your symptoms sound like that. Please let us know the outcome. We are worried about you."

By the way. I am doing fine, thanks for asking. Don't forget to wear your new glasses when you visit the Turkish Bath.

@Johannes and Arnon

Did you read the novel "Memoires d'outre-espace" by R.L. Paganet ?. A book that didn't receive good critics, but very interesting nonetheless.
It is about a man that visits a number of planets to experience having sexual relations with aliens. After return on earth he reports about his experience.
It has a very surprising end.

kindling of idea?

Dear Mr. Grunberg,

I have the tender privilege of being able to read your work in Dutch . It is therefore I feel so horribly dissapointed to see that your English has not the same rich and wholesame flavour as your native tongue. I dare ask you to let this be a site where the Dutch language rules in a rather silent but regal way.

Yours faithful,

S. Banks

Genève

Simon

I don’t believe that any language can rule in a silent way unless that language passed away. Maybe it is possible to claim that Yiddish rules in a silent way, but that would be an offense to all the people who still speak Yiddish. Nevertheless I was thrilled to see that you combined the word “silent” with that beautiful word “regal” -- a fine attempt to create some literature on this site. I hope to see your comments more often. Usually I don’t like comments in Dutch on this site but for you I make an exception.

The wounded heart.

Dear Mr. Grunberg,

I am dreadfully sorry if this insults you, but I shall not write in Dutch quite yet.

Despite your most charming of comments on my combined use of silent and regal, I feel you do not get entirely the point I was so carefully trying to make.

I feel as if I am mocking the squinted child of a very dear friend, and understand the deep moral consequences of such silly contemptuous judgement.

But what I am really trying to say is merely that I find your Dutch of such splendour that quite frankly it puzzles me why one would want to write in a foreign English that by no means has the halo of your poetic talent. One writes, one rhymes. Let's not kill one's own child by nurturing another.

Yours very much indebted,

S. Banks

Genève

Simon

I'm not insulted at all -- I’m just very much afraid that the sentence in which you stated that a language should rule in a rather silent but regal way is pure poetry, bad poetry -- as is your comment that you are afraid that you are mocking a squinted child of a dear friend. Mocking a squinted child is just an example of bad taste. At this point of our short conversation it might be a good idea to point out to you that I’m not your dear friend, but you are entitled to your fantasies.
To end the conversation: the idea that an author hould not write in his second or third language, not even a blog by all means, borders on the absurd.
Maybe it is time to admit to yourself that you don’t live in Geneva, that your name is not Simon Banks, not even Peter Banks. And then a piece of small advice to you: if you realiy would like to write poetry in English, not your mother tongue, why here? Aren't there other sites for unpublished poets?

Simon

Don't take Arnon's comment personal. Arnon doesn't like to be criticized.
You may like to read the following article (in Dutch): http://www.vn.nl/web/show/id=56638/contentid=381 (Arnon Grunberg, een briljant rotjoch") . He only wants to be surrounded with groupies. People like Tess, Jan, Herman and Dens that like to kiss his ass.

Gerard

Finally you are back. I missed you. You were on of the few commentators who in an attempt to defend marriage managed to ridicule himself -- self-irony is worth your wile, but don’t overdo it.

Hey Gerard, if you were to have paid better attention, you would have noticed I don't kiss Arnon's ass. I prefer licking ass. Or sucking. Or caressing. Kissing is overrated. As is honesty.

Recoup

Gerard,
I am deeply concerned about you, so that's why I'd like to make you an offer to recoup on this site.
On recouping: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mEOXmKSIa4
To make this easier here are two ways to recoup. You can choose both when you are in the mood.
1) Since we are in shortage of transvestites for the upcoming International Female Mud Wrestling for Peace event, you can join. If you aren't fit enough, find a trainer.
2) To control your hate we can make an appointment at the Dam Square in Amsterdam. I'll bring a camera to film you when you are burning some books and/or pictures of Arnon Grunberg. Please bring your own copies. The video will be published on this site for an effective crusade.

Tess

A experiments with rats showed that rats who were in the possession of mothers who licked their asses when they were young turned out to be much more intelligent than rats who didn’t have their asses licked. Excuse me for the vulgarity, but I do think this shows that licking ass is extremely important for our wellbeing. It’s a relief for me to know that you came to the same conclusion.
Once we have coffee we know what to do between the first and the second cup of coffee. After the second cup of coffee I have to go back to work.

Arnon, we can skip coffee. But please make sure the restrooms have a bidet. And razors (I'm not a great fan of a hairy ass) .

Tess

I’ll go for a Brazilian wax if you go for a Brazilian wax. Or do you think you are the only person who is into ass licking?

criticism

Dear Mr. Grunberg,

After having read your comment I was deeply dissapointed.

About your criticism. I am quite glad to inform you that my name is very much Simon Banks and that I was raised in Dutch and English here in my native Geneva. Seems quite easy to check that via your webmaster .

But even all that is not relevant. The relevant point here is that your English is not what your Dutch is and that as a result I just don"t understand why you are willing to get by in English.

I guess it comes down to pretension. Now who is the fake one then?

yours,

Simon Banks

Simon again

If you name is really Mr. Banks and you are living in Geneva I can only say God bless you.
I seemed to have disappointed you twice in one day -- only my mother and some of my ex-girlfriends were more often disappointed by me. Going to back to a site while knowing that you will be disappointed is an act of sheer masochism. I’m not sure if I’m willing to engage in your sadomasochistic fantasies.
There are plenty of books by me written in Dutch. I’m sure you have not all of them. Send a mail to my assistant (Johannes@arnongrunberg.com) and he is going to send you the books you don’t have. (You can write to him in Dutch, although he prefers French for obvious reasons. His mother was a famours chef in France, his fater is a rather unfortunate Flemish butcher.)
Maybe one day we will meet for lunch in Montreux and we can discuss this and other topics more extensively.
I wish you well -- and I hope you will find somebody to participate in your role-play.

I mark Tess’ and Arnon’s words. That is the kind of stylish pornography I like, with many details, seen from different angels. Not the brutal, vulgar style of that famous gentleman.
@ Gerard Jansen
I don not want my name in your (anal)fantasies, it is insulting & I do not like vulgarity.