Arnon Grunberg



And now for something about hygiene, The Guardian published this question from a reader:

“My boyfriend of three years has never actively looked at my vagina or shown the slightest interest in it other than the usual foreplay. He performs oral sex occasionally but always under the darkness of the duvet and has admitted he doesn't find vaginas particularly attractive, joking that mine is especially repulsive. I feel hugely hurt and ashamed and his behaviour makes me consider him childish. He jokes that bodily fluids are disgusting and always washes after sex. I feel self-conscious and unattractive and worry that we'll never enjoy the explorative sex life I've had with previous partners. “

Pamela Stephenson Connolly, a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders, answers:

"Discuss the material as equal adults, not teacher/pupil, and reward him when he demonstrates maturity."

(Read the complete article here.)

I would say that this man is frightened because he knows that the vagina is the tunnel he used to enter the world. When he says “your vagina is repulsive” he is saying “I’m repulsive, my first home was repulsive.”

The woman should have asked him: “What do you find more repulsive, your mother’s vagina, my vagina or my anus? Before we continue explorative sex, this is something I really would like to know.”

And then again: It's better to have oral sex under the darkness of the duvet than to have no oral sex at all.

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