Arnon Grunberg
Words Without Borders

It's Confession Time

There are still people, often journalists, who would like to know what an author does all day long. To say that an author sits behind his or her desk staring at a screen, like most people in offices do, is an honest answer, but it is somehow, apparently, not the answer that the world is waiting for. When the author says so, the journalist nods, yawns, and then says, “Yes, yes, of course, but what do you do all day long?” For this kind of situation, I have a manicurist.
Since the spring of 2002, I have visited my manicurist every two weeks. I started when a lady in the neighborhood named Natalie (80 years old, married to Josef, three children) urged me to do so.
I used to be--it’s confession time--a big nail biter. I would bite my nails all day long.
Natalie, who glorifies pot-smoking and the kind of pants that cyclists wear while competing in the tour de France, said, “A man over thiry who bites nails should see a manicurist. I’ll send you to mine.” Since that day, I have been going to a Russian lady on 76th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue.
The salon has the rather surrealist name, Ruzica de Falica.
Natalie is the kind of person who is used to giving orders. I met her at a pastry shop, where she refused to stop smoking. And while being threatened with the police she answered, “Make my day. Call the police. I want to get laid.” Because of her age, the color of her hair, and, as mentioned, her Tour de France-pants, I felt the urge to throw in my support for her benign anarchism.
This is to make clear that I didn’t have the choice not to go to the manicurist.
But I have to say I got addicted.
Not only did I stop biting my nails, but Irina, the manicurst, turned out to be a great matchmaker. She has tried to hook me up with, as of today, five of her clients. Since she is also the kind of woman who is used to giving orders, I went out with her clients when she told me to do so.
All of the dates were disasters. But I keep saying to myself: You won't be the first one to get his papers through his nail and skin center.


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